This year was a difficult one me, but I’m looking forward to the new one.
2020 hit us hard with full lockdown and being unable to operate the dance studio for 7 months straight. This ultimately led to closing down my studio in October 2020 after almost a decade. The lockdown period also flared up my OCD, which was pretty much under control for about 7 years. Unwilling to give in to the compulsions that ruled my life for so many years, I started struggling with anxiety – for the first time in my life. I had no idea how this can creep into every area of your life. In retrospect, this lead to one of my side-line businesses, so something positive came out of it.
A New beginning.
Many years ago, I moved back into the house I grew up in. My mother still owned it had been renting it out for years. I lived there with my ex-husband when we welcomed our second son into the world. I lived there as a single mother with my two boys and continued to stay there with the new man in my life till our daughter was over two years old.
In December 2020 we finally got our new beginning when we moved to a new home in a new town. It felt like the first chapter in our new book. The area is filled with fellow-homeschoolers and homeschool activities. I was back working for a dance studio I had worked at many years ago when I was still new in the industry. The owner was a mentor I looked up to and learned invaluable lessons from before opening my own studio back in 2011. Things were really starting to look up for us.
Then 2021 started.
One Covid-19 wave after the other and we went up and down the levels of lockdown.
The day before my daughter’s third birthday I had this weird feeling that things were about to go really wrong. As I was driving, it felt like everything slowed down around me. I remember saying “God, please don’t let me die the day before my daughter’s birthday.” then thinking to myself, ‘Well I guess on her birthday would be worse.’
It was a Tuesday afternoon, so the next morning we celebrated her birthday at home, just the few of us. No different to any other day, I left home around 16:00 to go to work and as I entered the main road out of our estate, I was involved in a massive car accident. The moment before I hit the trailer in front of me, I said ” God, I said not today.” then I lost consciousness. (I’m definitely still doing a post on the details, it was too weird not to share.)
Long story short, I healed quickly, but my car was a write-off. My car that was completely paid up and I didn’t owe a cent on. We were lucky enough to get a great deal on a second-hand SUV. Funny enough, the brand and model that we test drove when I was pregnant with my little girl, but we couldn’t afford it at the time. Looking back – this too ended well for me, because yet another business venture that came along later in the year required a much bigger vehicle than my tiny Ford Figo that was now scrap metal.
My mother got sick with Covid-19. Not mild or severe symptoms sick. We really almost lost her.
Her being sick, on oxygen and in hospital was a very scary and traumatic time for us. During the same time we lost friends and family and we were constantly nervous with the thought of “who’s next?”. Still I never could’ve guessed…
Another door closed.
11 Months after I closed by own dance studio, dejavu.
The studio I had been working at, closed down after 16 years! At no point did I expect that. I just bought a car remember… one that I couldn’t afford without the dance classes. I quickly had to get my act together with all the side-hustles to make sure they cover some bills. (Still not quite there, but working on it.)
The loss of a lifetime.
On 6 September 2021, I lost my best friend.
It still rips my heart open to type those words. I keep thinking, hoping, praying that it is just a horrible nightmare that I will wake up from and she will be the first I will share it with.
After being in remission from breast cancer for years, they found cancer again. This time, it was too far spread by the time they found it and within a month…she was gone. I have never experienced a loss so severely. She was the person I shared everything with and even though she moved 6 hours away, we spoke daily. I miss her terribly and constantly.
Exactly 3 weeks later I lost another friend that had been living with Cystic Fibrosis her entire life. We’ve known each other since we were little kids. We grew up climbing trees and playing house, her often with her portable drip as accessory. Later in life, the drip made way for the portable oxygen machine. I feel like I still haven’t taken the time to mourn her death. I’m staying busy and pretending it didn’t happen, just a little while longer.
My own health issues.
Currently I am going through a few health issues of my own. I’ll share more information on this later. I have an operation scheduled in January and although I am scared and nervous, I am also excited about the aftermath.
Excitement in the air
I am counting the days to the new year, not to leave what I’ve learnt or those we’ve lost, behind. Instead I look forward to starting new challenges. Excited to grow the Teach Me Mama! movement. Yes I said movement, because it means so much more to me than a business. Getting the Dirt & Dancin’ Mama! shirts off the ground. Something I’ve been dreaming of for years. All while growing the brand, connecting with women, mothers and business owners in order to create a community of support. I’m excited to only work from home next year, opening up our homeschool days with at least an extra 6 hours daily.
If there was one thing I learnt in 2021, it is that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Spend it doing what you love, with those whom you love.
And take photos – tons of it.
One comment on “From heartbreak to hope in 2022”
Can’t wait for those shirts!! Super excited to see what we are getting…